Lust Hurts

Lust Hurts
Which of Cam Diaz's famous exes isn't faring too well in the gal department? Lindsay Lohan feels the pain of feeling no pain, and how's the possibility of marriage for Ellen and Portia lookin'? You'll just have to wait, babes! Sapphic love's delish, doncha know?
This! Is! Lame!
Just 'cause you’re treated like a VIP by all the trendy T-town clubs, it doesn’t mean all the gals and guys inside will gaze upon you as if you're royalty. Case in point: Gerard Butler and his bud were at the Tropicana Bar at the ritzy-butt Roosevelt Hotel in H'wood, enjoying a stud’s night out. Dude was dressed to the sorta-eights in black pants, ratty shoes more apropos for beers 'n' bowling and a fitted white Tee that would’ve been too pectoral-gazing even for Simon Cowell. G.B. also donned a scruffy five-o'clock job, a seriously messy mop of hair and bounced around the room, feelin' just a wee bit too pain-free. What a dreamboat, eh? Still pretty doable, though. 'Least he didn’t have that face he had in Phantom of the Opera, tho maybe a mask woulda helped cover up some of that blasted bedhead.
Ger-babe’s anticlassy antics continued when it appeared he was attempting to pick up two lovely ladies in the lounge. Sure, the guy’s a celeb, but his off-screen demeanor certainly has nothing on his onscreen persona. G.B. tried out some tried-and-trite classic pickup lines such as, “you must be an angel because you fell from heaven.” So say the pregagging gals present. Gosh, do some straight women actually like that stuff? I mean, isn’t that just the prick polar opposite (same diff, though) from the ol’, "OK, come over here and do me, bitch"? Just a thought. You het gals must let me in on that one.
Gerard did, however, make the women laugh uproariously. And no, not because they were hysterically swooning over the 300 thesp, but rather, because they were tragically embarrassed for him. Gerry laughed along, too, obviously not in on the joke at his expense—not to mention, the dude’s Scottish brogue was so thick it made it hard to understand half of what he was saying, besides the lame flirt parts. That’s simply tragic. You gotta work damn hard to make a sexy Scottish accent lose its appeal, especially with cocktail-consuming chicks dying to be hit on by anything remotely famous.
Gerard’s friend, tho, was every bit the witty hunk Ger-hon wasn’t, and the ladies would’ve gladly left in his company had Butler not eventually picked up on the girls’ interest in his less famous bud and left, taking his crushed pal along to sulk. We gotta wonder how G landed Cameron Diaz with an arsenal of antigame like that. Was it just the bod? Women are so shallow.